14 In Faith/ Relationships

Heart-Help For the Hopeless, Hurt, or Heartbroken

We met in college just months after I survived a broken heart. He lived in a tiny house behind my apartment complex and one night, after connecting through our mutual friends on social media, he weathered the cold and rain and sleet and hiked over to meet me. I should probably add in here that a part of me didn’t really want him to come over. I hadn’t had a chance to shower after my workout when he announced he was coming to meet me and I was a little bit ashamed of my smell and appearance.

I look disgusting and smell disgusting-er. What a great first impression…

Nevertheless, he knocked on the door and I remember feeling my stomach drop. I froze. He knocked again. Well, here goes nothing!
BAM. There he was. The man who’s name I’d later share.
All my roommates stayed up, just in case the man taller than the door frame was coming over just to “get some”. When we learned that wasn’t quite his intention, my body guards went to bed one by one.
We talked and talked. It’s as if my appearance didn’t matter. He wanted to know my heart. In one open, honest conversation I felt like I learned more about not only a stranger but also myself. To be honest, had to pee really bad but the conversation was so encouraging to my soul that I didn’t want to get up.

So, my bladder nearly popped but that’s beside the point.
Looking back on that night, I realized something powerful and I want to whisper it to anyone who thinks God has forgotten about them, anyone feeling alone or heartbroken or just really discouraged: I think meeting God is a lot like that. He meets us on our front doorstep, daily. He’s right there, knocking on the door of your heart. He doesn’t care about the stink or grime or shame stuck on you – He just wants to know you. And He’s already done all the heavy lifting and weathered much more than cold and rain and sleet.

Because the God that loves you? He weathered the cross, the cold, the blood, the sweat, and the tears. He’s hiked the hill to calvary, all in pursuit of your heart. You just have to open the door.

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14 Comments

  • Reply
    Sarah
    December 13, 2016 at 9:02 pm

    Hi Jordan
    I love your posts & blog and wanted to get some guidance from you.
    I am in a serious relationship, we have been together for close to two years.
    Although I told myself I wouldn’t move in until we were engaged I did a year and a few months into the relationship. Part of me wishes I didn’t but the other part enjoys it.
    I am still saving myself for marriage and he is respectful of this. We have spoken about marriage and he wants to get married but now my feelings are changing and it is making me very sad and confused. I was raised Catholic but got saved when I entered grad school. I love attending service however my boyfriend says he feels uncomfortable when he goes with me and that he prefers Catholic church. I just would like whatever advice you have for me. I have been feeling sad a lot and I don’t know if this is from God or just my own self getting in the way of the relationship I am in. I thought that this sadness is because I seek a lot of affection from him which at times are not met (too my standards). I’ve talked to him about this but he feels he does meet my needs. So it is just a hard situation for me. A little more info. He was previously married (he’s 8 years older than me), he’s been divorced for a while now and told himself he would never marry until he met me. There are times when I see him and think that is my husband but then there are times when I feel like there is someone else for me and for him. The confusing part for me is that though I feel this way, I also have a hard time seeing myself without him. He really wants a family and I want him to have that. I just don’t want to marry and still feel sad/frustrated because that is the type of environment I grew up in and I just wouldn’t want to raise children in that type of enviornment. Anyways Jordan I know I wrote a lot but I would greatly appreciate any input you may have and prayers always.

    Thank you!

    • Reply
      Grace
      January 9, 2017 at 12:29 am

      I know I’m not Jordan, but I feel for you. Feelings are messy. I’m no relationship guru, but pray. Pour over scripture. Seek God’s will above your own. I think you’re on the right track thinking about the environment that your future children will be raised in. It would be wise for the two of you to be on the same page about faith, both for your sake and that of your children.
      Sorry to butt in and ramble, but I hope this at least somewhat helpful. 🙂

      • Jordan Lee
        Reply
        Jordan Lee
        January 9, 2017 at 1:15 pm

        Grace — great advice! Thanks for stepping into this one! Xx

    • Jordan Lee
      Reply
      Jordan Lee
      January 9, 2017 at 1:14 pm

      Hi Sarah!
      Thanks for reading and I’m sorry for the delay. You know, I think sometimes we experience these fears and worries and feelings you’re describing for one of two reasons.
      1. The feelings are nudges of the Spirit. If there’s any feeling of guilt or unease, that’s generally His way of getting our attention. Don’t turn that off if you have a hunch God is leading you elsewhere — it’s really hard when our feelings are involved but so necessary for the bigger picture of our life.
      2. The feelings may be the result of fear. But fear is faith in the wrong thing. You have to take a step back and ask, “am I placing my faith in this relationship, in its ability to complete me or give me the future I’ve dreamed of? Or am I placing my faith in GOD? The only thing that won’t let me down?”
      When we place our faith in people and in relationships, we are going to be fearful and worry because they are not a firm foundation and will disappoint and hurt us at some point.
      I don’t have a black and white answer for you other than pray through it and remove yourself from the emotions of it as much as possible to see the situation with an objective and Godly perspective. Seek counsel from those who know and love you and the answer will be clear – just be prepared for it to be what you may not want it to be.
      Hope this helps! Xox

  • Reply
    Victoria Davidson
    January 2, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    Thank you so much for the encouragement, Jordan! You are such an inspiration to all the ladies out there! keep up the good work!

  • Reply
    Melanie
    January 18, 2017 at 2:42 am

    Hey jordan, i just recently got in touch with your work & i really gotta say i love what you have to say. Im going thru something rn & im so confused & genuinely lost as to what to do. I met this guy, geeh how many times youve heard that? But i did. 4months ago & well even though i didnt want to i fell for him. Unfortunately he wants to be a marine, i say unfortunately because he leaves next month & well the type of lifestyle hes chosen is a hard one. But something inside me told me, dont worry hes the one. Crazy? Maybe. Anyways i thought we were going somewhere, we had plans & even though at times he was doubtful because he was leaving it wasnt until this past wknd that he decided to break it off, out of the blue, just said it was better this way. That he needed to focus on himself rn.. Im heartbroken, blindsided & confused because just the night before he had said we were going in the right direction. What im i missing? I ask god for clarity but im afraid this is it. Have i lost him? Maybe he does need to go & focus on his goals first? should i wait? Friends tell me not to, that if he really cared he could do both? Is it really that black & white? So sorry this was really long but i will appreciate any advice/words. Thank you!

    • Jordan Lee
      Reply
      Jordan Lee
      February 6, 2017 at 7:06 pm

      Hi Melanie! Oh girl! I can only imagine how hard this must be on your heart. Distance is HARD, especially in a situation like the military. It really requires that both people be completely all in, 100%, willing to make it work regardless of the distance, or it will still end in pain. It sounds like this guy just isn’t ready to be all in both things. And that doesn’t make him a bad guy although it hurts. His honesty up front hurts, I know, but maybe this is God’s way of asking you to shift your perspective. God has given you clarity through this at this point. The man you want to be ready for you and to prioritize you simply is not in a personal, spiritual, or emotional place to do that and he knows that about himself. Only your heart knows if you should wait but if you choose to forgo other men that may come into your life in an effort to wait, only to find out he was not waiting as well, you will likely be even more disappointed. My advice is this: cover your heart in prayer. Cover this man that hurt you in prayer. Cover your ability to forgive and move on in prayer. But also have a real, honest conversation. If he’s not interested in waiting or even hesitates when you ask him that question, you’ll know that his heart isn’t as in it as yours is. That hurts to hear but it takes two to make a relationship healthy and harmonious and it’s best for you and your heart to take the blow now and recover instead of investing so much time, love, and energy only to be disappointed in the future. I hope this helps, love! Keep clinging to Jesus!! XO

      • Reply
        Melanie
        February 16, 2017 at 10:46 pm

        Thanks so much for your words jordan. He leaves in a couple days & we havent been on the best of terms. I have some abandonment issues i really need to work on & ive been acting pretty crazy lately its gotten to him. I only hope we can talk before he leaves & hopefully salvage anything left of us before he goes. I wont have peace of mind otherwise. Please pray for me & thank you again💜

        • Reply
          Melanie
          February 21, 2017 at 8:03 pm

          We talked. Were not gonna keep in contact while hes away but we had said he would see me when he came back after training & then i saw him on his last day & he was super stressed i made things worse & i just saw think he deleted me on social media so im at a lost for words. In disbelief, confused & more heartbroken because i didnt wanna lose him. What to do jordan😖

        • Jordan Lee
          Reply
          Jordan Lee
          February 26, 2017 at 7:30 pm

          I’m so encouraged that this has encouraged you. I’m lifting your heart up in prayer and that God’s will be done with your relationship during this time!

          XO

          • Melanie
            March 5, 2017 at 2:23 pm

            Thanks so much for your prayers jordan! They really helped! No matter how bleak things looked god never abandoned me & i was able to come to peace with whatever comes now. I dont know if i will ever get to be with andres again but with gods help i was able to see things more clearly & each day i find more & more peace with the fact that it may not happen. Hope is never lost though. Our love was beautiful once. Maybe itll be again. Thanks once more for your words & prayers & wish me luck 💜

  • Reply
    Nichole
    February 16, 2017 at 11:12 pm

    Hello Jordan,

    What advice do you have for the girl who was in a 5 year relationship that emotionally destroyed her and then dated around and ended up getting hurt multiple times and giving way to many chances. Im 23 now and I just feel stuck. I thought this past guy I dated was the one and he ended up leaving me for his previous girlfriend. I am just so tired of back and forth with different guys who I think are it but end up being what I never expected. IT NEVER ENDS. ugh, thankfully I have been getting closer to God and I continue to be a very positive person

    • Jordan Lee
      Reply
      Jordan Lee
      February 26, 2017 at 7:29 pm

      Hey friend!

      Isn’t it so frustrating when you feel stuck in a tornado of failed relationship after failed relationship?! I hear you, girl. My advice to you would be to look inward — are you hardening your heart? Have you been gentle yet strong? Have you used your eyes intentionally (SO many women forget that looking at a man intentionally but not seductively encourages respect and communication as well as conveys interest)? Where are you finding these guys? Remember men love humor and need you to be direct. Step into their world. Show interest in what they are interested in. It communicates you care without throwing your heart out on the table.

      It’s becoming harder and harder to find solid young men with leadership qualities but that doesn’t mean we need to settle for less than someone who respects us and loves us well. However, the reality is that we are technically “settling” with any human being we ever date or marry simply because that human is less than perfect and not God. We are settling for less than God but trusting His grace to cover us.

      My challenge to you is to keep pursuing God but also don’t fear dating. Just don’t be afraid to do it “the old fashion way.” We need more women who respect themselves enough to let a man hold her door, to expect a man to take ownership, and challenge them with love and grace. You may be doing those things already and if you are, great! Don’t quit! Don’t lower your expectations, simply clarify them. Write them down. Be slow to speak but unafraid to say what needs to be said. And keep on keepin’ on with your eyes fixed on Jesus. Promise, He’s better than all this!

      XOXO

  • Reply
    Elaina
    March 13, 2017 at 11:59 pm

    I have never been in a relationship with a guy, including my father. I learned that my feelings didn’t matter and I shut everyone out of this part inside of me. When I let go and trusted someone, my world just collapsed in on itself. I think that the fact that Jesus pushes past our dirt is just amazing. The is a song called HOME by Chris Tomlin that I adore. This isn’t our home. It is temporary. But while we are here, He’s right by our side.

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