23 In Hey, J/ Loneliness/ Relationships

I Feel Like the Girl in 27 Dresses! When Will It Be My Turn?

You meet HIM – you know who I’m talking about, the guy you’ve been dreaming of, the one you thought you’d never even talk to…and then…

He asks you on a date. A REAL DATE!

You hide the happy dance your heart is doing, fight back the squeal, and accept with pleasure. Within seconds, all your girls know and they’re offering their closets for you to peruse. You spend hours picking out the perfect outfit.

He picks you up at 7:00 sharp. Not a minute early or a minute late – just like he promised.

The date ends with a sweet kiss goodnight, promises to call you tomorrow, and you dance to your room with a light heart and twinkle in your eye.

And then he actually calls the next day. The dates not only continue but soon he begins calling you the magic word. He begins calling you his — wait for it…girlfriend. SCORE!

When you hear that word, it’s not scary or weird or uncomfortable like with the other guys. It sounds just right — fitting.

Eventually, he pops the question. You call your girls and inform the world with the perfect insta and FINALLY create that Pinterest wedding board.

You ever so creatively ask your girls to be your maids, which they totally insta because it’s super perfect and cute, and they help you prep every detail of the big day like you’ve done for them.

m_j_wedding-1016

Isn’t this how we want it to go? Isn’t this how we envision it as a little girl? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that this is an ideal but less than likely scenario.

Maybe you haven’t met your match. Maybe you’ve never had a boyfriend that sticks around. Maybe you’re frustrated because you’ve never even been asked on a date and all your friends are getting married and having the cutest babies ever.

And maybe you’re believing that your life is a bummer. Maybe you’re sick of seeing everyone else fall in love. Maybe you’re wondering what’s wrong with you and when it’ll be your turn.

If that’s you, cool. I’d love to tell you that it’s going to happen for you soon. I’d love to tell you Mr. Right just got caught in traffic. I’d love to say the cliche little phrase, “to find the right person, you have to become the right person.”

But I can’t.

I don’t know the future of your love life any more than you do. I don’t know the purpose of your current relationship status any more than you do. Only God knows if you’re supposed to meet Mr. Right and only He knows when it’ll be your turn.

But this isn’t about taking turns. Life and relationships aren’t a game and God isn’t skipping your turn when you feel like He is.

The cold hard truth is that there’s no cookie cutter answer for your situation and I think sometimes we like to put blanket statements on it because we all know being lonely is HARD.

But I’m not going to give you a magic solution or throw cliche phrases on your life. Because as you step into yet another bridesmaid dress or fake a smile for another one of your friends in love that you’re really trying to be happy for, I’d be willing to bet that those statements don’t help at all.

I’d rather remind you that there’s a reason God has you right where you are, that you’re appreciated, and your current role is needed in big and mighty ways. You are needed as you are, right now, flying solo, individual, and independent.

I know it’s tempting and normal to step into a lonely pity party but I dare you to own your loneliness instead of letting it own you. Don’t throw your heart walls up in protection or your hands up in surrender. Both are isolating and discouraging places and you’re better than that.

When you feel like you’re losing hope, take a step back. Are you placing your hope in the ring or in the King?

Don’t place your hope in the ring. Place your hope in the King.

Your character, your strengths, and your exact blend of humor, wit, and beauty is needed for something a lot bigger than Pinterest boards and wedding bells.

And maybe you just need to be reminded that the Prince of Peace sees that — even if a Prince Charming never does.

YOU are beloved by God and needed in this big world – with or without a plus one.

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23 Comments

  • Reply
    Hillary
    January 8, 2017 at 10:51 pm

    Can I just say how much I needed this reminder tonight! Thank for reminding me that I am loved by God right where I am even when the world & enemy tries to tell me that I am not.

    • Jordan Lee
      Reply
      Jordan Lee
      January 9, 2017 at 1:04 pm

      So glad to hear you’ve been encouraged! Sometimes we all just need a little reminder of WHOSE we are 🙂 love to you, friend!

      • Reply
        Lindsey
        January 11, 2017 at 10:58 pm

        You are an angel! Your words are so powerful!

        • Jordan Lee
          Reply
          Jordan Lee
          March 8, 2017 at 2:42 am

          Bless your heart! So grateful for your kind words!! ❤️

  • Reply
    Taylor
    January 8, 2017 at 11:54 pm

    This is so so good. Thankful for these words that I really needed to hear today!

    • Jordan Lee
      Reply
      Jordan Lee
      January 9, 2017 at 1:08 pm

      Thanks for reading, Taylor!
      Xx

  • Reply
    Mariah Chance
    January 9, 2017 at 9:29 am

    Thank you so much for this reminder Jordan! I’m in a spot right now where all my friends either have boyfriends or their married with kids now. And my life is exactly like this post, I’m just frustrated because I’m always guy’s “friends”…so I needed this!

    • Jordan Lee
      Reply
      Jordan Lee
      January 9, 2017 at 1:05 pm

      Totally hear ya girl! Keep loving on your ladies and being a great friend — Jesus did that for us when he didn’t feel ANY love or affection or acceptance. Sometimes singleness or “being the only one without ____” is the cross we’re asked to carry. And how beautiful is that?! Love to you, thanks for reading!

  • Reply
    Kate
    January 9, 2017 at 12:01 pm

    I have given up all hope.

    • Jordan Lee
      Reply
      Jordan Lee
      January 9, 2017 at 1:08 pm

      Hey Kate!

      Maybe that’s okay — perhaps your hope was in the ring instead of the King. And it’s good to lose hope in the ring — in the idol of romance. We all do it. We all put relationships on a pedastool and nearly worship them…but when they don’t pan out like we think they ought, we lose hope in them. But the King never fails. His Love is steadfast, He is faithful, and He doesn’t tumble downward with our emotions. Hold onto that when your hope in romantic love dwindles. You’ve got an eternal love reaching for you. Xox

      • Reply
        Cherri
        February 2, 2017 at 4:22 pm

        Wow. Well said. I needed to hear that.

        • Jordan Lee
          Reply
          Jordan Lee
          March 8, 2017 at 2:42 am

          Encouraged to know it encouraged you, love. Xoxo

  • Reply
    Hope
    January 9, 2017 at 1:52 pm

    Love This!! What a great reminder.

  • Reply
    Lauren
    January 9, 2017 at 10:22 pm

    I can’t say thank you enough for one of the realist blog posts about singleness. Nothing is more frustrating than hearing “Mr. Right will show up when you least expect it” or “Be patient… it will happen” It’s refreshing to be reminded that as a women, my purpose or value in life is not centered around my relationship status. God is neither careless or causeless with how he spends our time so I refuse to be careless with the stage of life in which he has placed me. Thank your for always being so real Jordan!

    • Jordan Lee
      Reply
      Jordan Lee
      March 8, 2017 at 2:44 am

      Yes yes!! I’m equally as tired of the cliche, overused blanket statements that don’t really help anyone. Sometimes we just need to get real, be frustrated, talk it out, face the music, put on our big girl pants and deal with it as we learn to see the beauty in the broken. I’m so encouraged to know you were blessed by this post! Xoxo

  • Reply
    Annonymous
    January 10, 2017 at 2:22 pm

    I’ve had terrible relationship luck, and the only thing that keeps me going through this loneliness is the hope that there is someone out there who is perfect for me. However, the idea that having a significant other may not be in God’s plan for me scares the living daylights out of me, as my dream has always been to become a wife and mother. I feel guilty that God’s love for me doesn’t feel like enough, but I am worried that I am going to go through life single and always feeling like a part of me is missing. Any advice?

    • Jordan Lee
      Reply
      Jordan Lee
      March 8, 2017 at 2:48 am

      I totally hear you. Loneliness is a real thing and sometimes there’s no stopping the feeling of pain it brings. There’s no perfect answer or solution but I truly think you have to work through that fear before you can be prepared for whatever God gives you – whether that’s a single life or a married life. Because fear is simply faith in the wrong thing. If you feel paralyzed with fear, it’s because your faith lies in the security or joy a husband could bring you when in reality that’s just a cherry on top. That’s a terrifying place to put faith in because it leaves us pursuing more and more of the world that can never fully deliver on its promises to make us happy or complete or fulfilled.

      I know marriage looks like “making it” but it comes with it’s fair share of struggles and heartbreaks and pains each day, too. All of life has brokenness in it because that’s the state of our world due to sin. But thanks be to God we can put our faith in Him who is unbroken, constant, faithful, and perfect.

      Keep clinging to Him when the lonely days feel long. Praying this helps a little!

      Xo

  • Reply
    Jenna Brooke Carlson
    January 11, 2017 at 6:57 am

    Thanks for this Jordan! I know people are trying to be helpful, but how true is that we hear those same cliches over and over again that are so not helpful. When I hear “He’s out there” or “You’ll find him when you least expect it” I want to scream “But you don’t know that!” God’s plan may be for me to be single, even if I wouldn’t chose that for myself, but God’s plans are always better, right? Thanks again for sharing. It’s been a great encouragement to me 🙂

    • Jordan Lee
      Reply
      Jordan Lee
      March 8, 2017 at 2:51 am

      Jenna — totally. God’s plan and timing is always perfect. And yes, no more cliche little phrases over here. We DON’T know what the destiny of our love story is on earth. All we know is that happily ever after is guaranteed in the sense that because of Jesus, we have eternal life…best happy ending EVER, right?

      Stay encouraged my friend!

      Xo

  • Reply
    Courtney
    January 11, 2017 at 8:55 am

    I love that!! “Don’t place your hope in the ring. Place your hope in the King.” Such a needed little eye opener. It’s hard not to get sucked into a pity party at 31 and still completely single, but when said like that it puts my priorities back on God not a marriage. I don’t really know the purpose of my continued singleness but I trust God’s timing and I know he gives good gifts! Thanks for this little reminder!!!

    • Jordan Lee
      Reply
      Jordan Lee
      March 8, 2017 at 2:52 am

      So glad to know this little nugget encouraged your heart! I can imagine it must get frustrating and lonely but God is so much bigger and better! Keep pressing on girl! Xoxo

  • Reply
    Katie Bryant
    January 11, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    Definitely needed to hear this!! Loved it!

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